How astronomers sometimes fail at meetings

Dear fellow astro conference participants & speakers :

1. If plots are worth 1000 words, why are text blocks larger than plots on your slides?  Less gabbin', more graphin' ...

2. Please face and speak to the audience, not to the screen.

3. Would it kill you to greet your audience at the start of your presentation? How about "good morning/afternoon"?  No? Just how were you raised really?

4. Please respect the present speaker and your fellow attendees by keeping your "important" convos quiet & to a minimum.

5. I know you have that all-important earth-shattering paper to write, but please, I really have no need to hear how loud you're banging on your laptop.

Posted via email from H-posterous

Sunk at D-F-Dub

Do you know anyone who has ever purchased a high-priced ticket-item from any of the vending machines at Dallas Fort-Worth (DFW) international airport?

If your answer was "no", you do now.

This is a little story of how I got sunk at DFW.

Location: Terminal A, DFW.
Date: Wednesday, May 5, 2010.
State: ... holy crap, what's that charge on my bank statement .... oh ... that  ...

According to the DFW airport website, there are Best Buy vending machines in all five terminals, and the vending machines are provided to satisfy your tempta ... er ... rather, to fulfill the convenience of your traveling requirements ...

As the layover was 5 hours to the overnight flight to SCL, I was going to head out to the Apple Store at nearby Southlake Town Square, only a 20-minute taxi ride from DFW.  I was all primed and ready, except I lamed out and didn't feel like forking over the cash for a taxi.  

Instead, I exercised what passed for procrastination by taking the Skylink train over to Terminal A, grabbing a bite to eat, and getting a shower in the AAdmirals Lounge.   After checking e-mail over a cup of coffee, 
I left the Lounge to make my way to one of the Skylink stations to return to Terminal D, when I passed one of the diabolical vending machines.  Naturally.  

This is where I surrendered, and somewhat meekly at that.

You know how this works, right?

You see the vending machine.  You walk on up and press your nose against the clear plastic window, mere inches between you and the product.  Careful you don't leave too deep the nose- or finger-prints ...

Normally, you'd walk away, feeling a little self-conscious about who in their right mind would buy an iPod, noise-reducing headphones, or a Canon point-and-shoot camera from a vending machine in an airport.

But wait!   You're thinking about how simple it would be, if only you would just whip out the debit- or credit-card, and within seconds, you would have it in your grubby little paws.

You know you want to ... don't you ...

There's a touch-screen to see what is available.  Prices for Apple products are the same as those found at the the company website or in a brick-and-mortar Apple store.  Oh and look, your selection comes with a short description, illustrating in loving detail why your selection would be a useful and powerful tool in your technological arsenal.  That, and available from the iTunes Store is EA Sports' FIFA10 ... 

I looked in and towards the bottom of the vending machine; it was all cold hard metal, painted in dark soulless gray.  It didn't look very encouraging for the safety of the brand new product, if the vending machine simply pushed the product out and down, with a tumble too horrifyingly quick, complete with a resounding crack at the bottom.  Hell, it's bad enough when a real chocolate bar falls from the top of the machine to the bottom ... noooooo ....!

But alas, the customer need not be fearful.  After your choice of bank-card is swiped and transaction is duly approved, a robot arms comes up out of its hidden parking slot, reaches for and holds onto your product, and gently places the latter in the retrieval tray at the bottom of the machine.

In less than one minute, you have in one hand a brand new "chocolate bar", and in the other hand, a printed record of your folly ... er .. transaction.   It is dangerously easy, as that "chocolate bar" is only two hundred times more expensive than your typical candy-bar.  

For your viewing pleasure, here are photos posted by "e krall" (via flickr search):

1. How easy this is ...
2. What's representative ...
3. Mmmmmmm ... product ... uhhhHHHhhrghhhuuuuHHHggrruhhhHHhh ...

You could think that it might really not be about the product.  It might in fact be about the process, which by this point a small crowd had gathered behind me to witness my use of the vending machine, all of them no doubt silently asking themselves : who in their right mind would buy anything from one of these vending machines?

Postscript: Friday, June 11.

As I'm on my way out to FRA, I'm finishing and submitting this blog entry, once again from DFW.  Why?  Because yes, I checked the vending-machines again today ...

There are no iPads.

- HL, 1600h GMT, 11 Jun 2010

Posted via email from H-posterous

Flying in the future, einen (Alb)Traum

Providing you air-service with value ...

• We reserve the right to land in a place "sufficiently close to your intended city or destination".  For example, it makes no difference to us that Frankfurt-Hahn is closer to Trier and the Luxembourg border, than the airport is actually to Frankfurt am Main.  Yes, it's an old air-base, and the refurbished airport should really be called Trier-Hahn, but we're relying upon the fact that either the traveler has no sense of geography (or urgency, for that matter), and/or you have not done your homework.  We're providing you with cheap fares; you're going to take a bus for hours, and you're going to like it.

A grand vision of the future in air-travel ...

• Standing-only places for seats : why sit when you can stand for an entire flight? cf. from Ryanair and Spring Airlines
• As you've agreed to (stupidly) fly for a near-zero fee, the plane will not be pressurized and will fly instead at lower altitude.  Your flight will naturally take a longer amount of time than a flight at higher altitudes, but hey, you're flying with us for free!  You want air?  Water?  Well, I suppose so ...
• Rationed-air : "your personal flow of air, for a special price of $1 at a rate of 2 L/min; of course, for children, we offer a reduced price of $0.50 at a rate of 1 L/min ..."
• Rationed-water : "your personal supply of water, for a special price of $1 per 100 cL.  We provide a larger 1 L source for a reduced price of $9.99."
• As clothes on passengers (those packed and those worn) add unnecessary weight which further accelerates the consumption of fossil fuels, we are striving for greener initiatives.  We advise everyone to remove their clothing at the check-in ... er ... collection area, where we will provide an alternative low-impact low-weight single-piece translucent "modesty suit" for a special price of $9.99.  Passengers may naturally decide to forego the latter suit; however, the passengers should be aware that the "place-belt" and the vertical "comfort-plank" may chafe and induce slivers, respectively."

... those who are humour-challenged shall not pass "Go", and are therefore forbidden to collect their € 200.

Posted via email from H-posterous